Fears & Follow Through

I like to dream big.  Ever since I can recall, dreaming is something that just comes naturally to me.  Some people call me an idealist, but my absolute favorite thing in the last 8 years has been making those dreams become reality, no matter the size of that dream.

Generally speaking, I do well at follow-through.  Sometimes my original timing doesn’t quite add up (this may be where my idealist principles began to take over), but I will find a way to make it happen IF it means enough  to me.  Since I discovered this about myself, I had to reflect on what really does “mean enough” to me.  There are plenty of things that would rank on my list of “things that matter”, but what would be on the list that means enough to me?  To evaluate this I decided to look at what has kept me from following through in the past.  Rejection and being told “no” are the main reasons most people will not pursue their dreams. Oddly enough, those two factors are not deterrents to me.  If anything, they drive me to find a more creative alternative that will get the “yes”.  You can thank my father for that skill. Lack of current resources is another common deterrent for many, but I just see this as a challenge to find or create those resources.  Fear of failure can also keep people from running towards their dreams full force, but I would say my risk-taking persona isn’t too concerned with this one either. So, what is that thing that really just makes me say, “um, nope.”?

Weakness. Anything that reveals to me that I am weak in an area is my stumbling block. Do you know how much of an “ah-ha” moment this was for me?  Now I know what, but the super inquisitive side of me wants to know why.  After all, if I know the issue, it is best to find the root of it in order to eradicate it, right? Enter self-reflection.  As a child, I was a highly intuitive person with quite a bit of brokenness surrounding me.  This is a gift that has stayed with me all of my life, however I have learned to adapt to this part of my destiny.  I believe the emotional pain that I experienced from my own hurt and that of those around me made me view pain as something to steer clear of, something that was to be avoided at all costs.

I’ve managed to cope quite well with perceived emotional pain.  I don’t run from relationships or withdraw from intimacy with others.  In fact, I believe this has allowed me to be a more authentic person. So where does this all fit in to my life now? Fitness goals.  UGHHHHHHHH!!!! Working out hurts.  It hurts while you are doing it, it hurts the next day and sometimes, it hurts the next week.  I don’t like pain and this is one type of pain I can choose to avoid.


I want to be physically fit.  I want to live a good life and at age 37, well let’s just say things don’t come as easy as they once did.  Don’t believe me? Check in with me when you get there.  I’ll do my best not to say, “I told you so”.

I’ve done the whole -join a gym and workout thing-. I have never stuck with it more than a few months and during that time it was mainly a walk on the treadmill a day or two each week.  What even was the point in that? About a month ago, I was gifted a free membership to a local gym.  This gym is so local that I can’t even make excuses to not go.  I can literally walk there from work.  I had a few free training sessions with Adrienne  (yes, like from Rocky) and she kinda sorta kicked my butt.  I hated it.  I loved it.

So I decided that my physical fitness mattered enough to me that I would invest my time, energy, and focus into getting stronger and becoming fit.

Accountability is huge, so I found myself an accountability partner that would be in a similar stage of this fitness journey.  Lord knows if I had gotten one that was a workout extraordinaire, my weaknesses would feel even more amplified.  My accountability partner encourages me, but she also does a wee bit of complaining with me, because sometimes that is what it takes to finish that last set.

Fitness is life.  Not really.  But it kinda is.  Accountability in all areas life is a necessity.  Things get tough.  We stumble, we fail and we straight up suck it up.  An accountability partner tells you, “we will try again and this time we will do it, together.”

So, what have I learned?  Find your person.  Find your persons. Do life with them.  Let them see the good, bad and ugly.  Ask them to help you become a better person.  I promise it is worth it.

Until next time,


Do You Want a Revolution?









Do you want a revolution?
Whoop Whoop
Come on, do you want a revolution?
Whoop Whoop!

Sick and tired of my brothers, killin’ each other,
Sick and tired of Daddys leavin’ babies with their mothers,
For every man who wants to lay around and play around,
It’s important you be man enough to stay around
Sick and tired of the Church, talkin’ religion
But then they talk about each other, make a decision
No more racisim, two face-ism
No pollution
the solution
a revolution

-Kirk Franklin & The Family

Revolution =  a dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized or in people’s ideas about it.

Why do we  need a revolution? Um, hello!?! Have you seen our country lately.  Hot mess. Really, really hot mess.  We can’t agree on anything.  It takes tragedy to pull us together, but that’s only temporary.  As soon as we remotely begin to heal, we go back to tearing each other down.  No one wants to validate or even attempt to see anyone else’s viewpoint, rather they scream, “You are wrong! You are stupid!”.  We are facilitating a really ugly future for our children.

I believe the children are the future… Today, I watched three children around the age of four lead a revolution on the playground.  I thought to myself, “This is where the revolution begins.  Our children are the revolution”.  Now, their particular version of the revolution (streaking on the playground – don’t judge) is not what I am referring to, rather I am talking true, needed change.  How does that happen?  Well, just keep reading.


It starts in the heart (aka the home): We are the gatekeepers to our home.  This means we control what comes into our home and what we allow to take place inside the confines of our family unit. Hatred, bigotry and racism must be eradicated.  The problem with today is so many of us were exposed to these thoughts, ideas, and opinions as children.  While we may not have been indoctrinated with them, we were still ever present in the rooms and playgrounds where these ignorant and ill-intended words were spoken.  This shaped our viewpoints, even if we were not consciously aware of this happening. The circle has remained unbroken, but this circle is no bueno.  It really deserves to be shattered.  How do we do this? We speak life, love and acceptance to our children.  It’s so simple, yet so profound!

Now, I LOVE my family and know without a doubt that I would not be the super awesome, amazing woman I am today without their influence.  However, I was exposed to racial slurs, bigotry and intolerance in my childhood (disclaimer: not all of my family did this, but just one can create a huge impact).  This gave me a biased lens through which I viewed the world.  Once I took off those glasses, MAN, did the world look drastically different.  First, I was saddened by my family’s hatred. Second, I found that diversity is something that I absolutely crave! I love differences.  It is such a beautiful thing to know that everyone and everything isn’t the same.  Same = boring and lame.  Am I right or am I right?!?

Today, a friend of mine told me that his four year old told him, “We have different hair, but when we get hurt we all have red blood.”  WOW! Y’all, this is truth.  We are ALL human.  There is no debating that.  So, let’s find a way to love one another.  After all, it is the Great Commission.

Peace Out. – Erin


When I Don’t Feel Like an Adult

I am 37 years young, married, with 6 children whom I adore.  I successfully created and run a business that employes over 40 people and has been going strong for the past 8 years. I am the ultimate supporter of my husband who is an educator and coach (exhausting!). I am a leader and visionary.

But, there are days when I just don’t feel like much of an adult.

Why?  Well, my mother lives with me and is the ultimate homemaker.  She cooks, does laundry and often taxis my children around. She is extremely bothered by the dishes in the sink for more than 10 minutes after dinner.  She doesn’t like us to use more than one glass a day and, in the rare occasion that I get to cook, she has very particular ways in which she likes her recipes to be prepared.

When I don’t get my way in the business world, I get angry.   But first, I call my daddy and give him the sob story.  He always steps in to let me know that he will either have my back or take care of it completely.  Y’all, I’m 37.  Why am I still calling my daddy!?!?!

This is all very frustrating to me in the moment.

Negative self talk begins like this: “Erin, grow up.  Stop being so incompetent.  You need to get your life together.  What is your issue?”

But then the reflection begins.  I love reflective thinking.  It helps me view my day outside of the moment, void of the intense emotion or reaction that accompanies the situations I’ve encountered throughout my day. Reflective thinking happens everyday for me, because it helps me decipher the truth from the lies of my very own self-talk.

Reflective thinking reveals this:

  1. It takes a village.  I love having people (family and friends) to love on my children.  Pour into them.  Leave their mark in the lives of my legacy.
  2. Parents never stop parenting.  As my oldest children are now adults, I realize how sad it is when I feel like they don’t need me anymore.  When they need me, it revives my purpose and place in their lives.  My parents don’t see me as a burden, they are simply using their gifts and abilities to help me be able to use mine.  That’s cool, y’all!
  3. Normal is NOT a snapshot.  Everyone’s normal is different and it is ever evolving.  My normal 14 years ago looked vastly different from my normal today and only God knows what my normal will look like in three years.
  4. Comparison kills. I heard a sermon recently that really drove this point home.  The pastor said something to the gist of this, “If you are designed to be a flyer, but spend all your time focusing on how much better the swimmers swim than you swim, you’ll never become the flyer your were designed to be.”  Ummmm, truth.  Focus on your journey, not theirs.
  5. I am not living my youthful dream.  You know how you envision your life when you are young?  Well, mine looks quite different.  I don’t live the American Dream, I live my journey.  And that is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

Ultimately, there are still days when I don’t feel like an adult.  Days where I feel like I’m not enough and too much all at once.  But, I have this tribe that loves me and supports me.  They use their gifts and freely share with me so I can use my gifts to share with others.  That is such an amazing thing and I can never adaquently express my gratitude for their investment into my life.




Working it Out.

Relationships.  They are messy and beautiful.  They do not happen without work from all the people involved.  What is the most important component of any relationship? Communication.  This is the foundation to connection and the cornerstone of trust.

There is one core relationship that has been evolving since my birth.  This relationship is quite unique for several reasons.  First, it is ever-present.  Second, no matter how much I may try to sabotage the relationship (and believe me, I have tried more times than I care to admit), the relationship does not cease to exist.  In fact, it is through those times I am reminded of the extreme importance this relationship holds.


As a very young child, I knew relationship with Jesus.  I was not taught it.  In fact, my family did not attend church until I began dragging them with me when I was around the age of five.  Religion did not exist then, relationship was all I knew.  And this was a beautiful thing. Religion complicates things.  Religion imposed rules and made me feel like I would never measure up.  Jesus is not that.  He is full of mercy, grace and love that we could never comprehend.  I knew this once and I have been slowly making my way back to this truth.  The journey has been complicated and heartbreaking a times, but I have learned that the shame and unworthiness I feel is all of my own doing.  Jesus sees  eyes of perfect love.  WOW!  That is beautiful truth that I wish more people would truly own.

A few things I have accepted through this journey:

  1. I was created for relationship and the only place I will find that in perfect form is through relationship with Jesus. Any other attempt will never bring me fulfillment.
  2. I don’t need to be perfect. In fact, it is impossible and exhausting.
  3. Jesus desires a relationship with me.  He will not force it upon me.  He wants me to chose him.  Free choice. Do you know how long it took me to grasp the greatness of this?
  4. My past does not define me.  Nor do my current mistakes.  Grace exists for this very reason. I give thanks for grace on the daily, y’all!
  5. Each person is responsible for their own journey of working out their faith.  While the destination is important, the journey is beautiful and should be savored.
  6. I am highly favored. I am wonderfully made and exist with purpose.
  7. I am not God.  I am not in charge. Thank goodness!
  8. Prayer always works.  It is extremely powerful and grows my relationship with Jesus exponentially.
  9. There is nothing I can do to separate myself from the love of Jesus.  Believe me, I’ve tried.


I truly believe the world needs Jesus.  NOT religion.  There is so much religion that people can’t even see Jesus. I stepped away from my faith once because things were too complicated.  It was too difficult.  It was unattainable. What I’ve learned is that we complicate things.  Jesus is, was and will always be perfect love.  We just need to look to him. We need to talk to him.  Communication through prayer, engaging his presence and delving into His word brings us closer to him and truth.  And you know what…THE TRUTH SETS YOU FREE. Run, Go get you some of that.  Believe me, it is good stuff!


The Fam.


I’ve always wanted a BIG family.  I can’t recall ever wanting to be the one to birth said large family (hello, pain!), but I have never  imagined anything other than a large family gathered together during the holidays and celebratory times of life. Over the last 36 years, my definition of family has evolved.  I’ve learned that blood really is thicker than water, but I have also witnessed the fact that are bodies are made up primarily of water. Family is given to us, as a gift, even though we may not be able to figure out what exactly that gifting may be.  I do not believe our family is an accidental placement.  They  make us who we are and drive us to become what we desire to embody, whether that is a continuation of a legacy or the creation of a new destiny.  Family truly is everything.

I take great pride in my familial titles.  Daughter, sister, auntE, mother, friend…they all carry vast responsibility.  If I could only chose one word to represent what I am about, it would be family. I am proud of where I came from and take great joy in watching the growth and evolution of the generation that I am helping raise.

As I write this introductory post in my blog, I am reminded of where I flow from; the unique men and women that created and molded me.  We are who we are because of who we were.  We will become who we will be because of where we came from.  Our motivation to live up to or rise above our family name only makes this world a better place.  Here is to the next generation of world changers.  Here is to family.