When I Don’t Feel Like an Adult

I am 37 years young, married, with 6 children whom I adore.  I successfully created and run a business that employes over 40 people and has been going strong for the past 8 years. I am the ultimate supporter of my husband who is an educator and coach (exhausting!). I am a leader and visionary.

But, there are days when I just don’t feel like much of an adult.

Why?  Well, my mother lives with me and is the ultimate homemaker.  She cooks, does laundry and often taxis my children around. She is extremely bothered by the dishes in the sink for more than 10 minutes after dinner.  She doesn’t like us to use more than one glass a day and, in the rare occasion that I get to cook, she has very particular ways in which she likes her recipes to be prepared.

When I don’t get my way in the business world, I get angry.   But first, I call my daddy and give him the sob story.  He always steps in to let me know that he will either have my back or take care of it completely.  Y’all, I’m 37.  Why am I still calling my daddy!?!?!

This is all very frustrating to me in the moment.

Negative self talk begins like this: “Erin, grow up.  Stop being so incompetent.  You need to get your life together.  What is your issue?”

But then the reflection begins.  I love reflective thinking.  It helps me view my day outside of the moment, void of the intense emotion or reaction that accompanies the situations I’ve encountered throughout my day. Reflective thinking happens everyday for me, because it helps me decipher the truth from the lies of my very own self-talk.

Reflective thinking reveals this:

  1. It takes a village.  I love having people (family and friends) to love on my children.  Pour into them.  Leave their mark in the lives of my legacy.
  2. Parents never stop parenting.  As my oldest children are now adults, I realize how sad it is when I feel like they don’t need me anymore.  When they need me, it revives my purpose and place in their lives.  My parents don’t see me as a burden, they are simply using their gifts and abilities to help me be able to use mine.  That’s cool, y’all!
  3. Normal is NOT a snapshot.  Everyone’s normal is different and it is ever evolving.  My normal 14 years ago looked vastly different from my normal today and only God knows what my normal will look like in three years.
  4. Comparison kills. I heard a sermon recently that really drove this point home.  The pastor said something to the gist of this, “If you are designed to be a flyer, but spend all your time focusing on how much better the swimmers swim than you swim, you’ll never become the flyer your were designed to be.”  Ummmm, truth.  Focus on your journey, not theirs.
  5. I am not living my youthful dream.  You know how you envision your life when you are young?  Well, mine looks quite different.  I don’t live the American Dream, I live my journey.  And that is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

Ultimately, there are still days when I don’t feel like an adult.  Days where I feel like I’m not enough and too much all at once.  But, I have this tribe that loves me and supports me.  They use their gifts and freely share with me so I can use my gifts to share with others.  That is such an amazing thing and I can never adaquently express my gratitude for their investment into my life.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s